The Principle of Anonymity

Readings:

• Step 7, 12
• Tradition 1, 3, 9, 10, 11, 12
• Concept: 4, 5
• 12×12 - Tradition 12
• Language of the Heart - p. 16-20, p. 205-218
• Bill’s article: Emotional Sobriety

I think the best treatise I’ve ever read on the principle of anonymity in Alcoholics Anonymous was the headline article of a local  “scandal sheet” that was distributed around the city when the AA International Convention was in Minneapolis in 2000 (the newspaper was something like what  we have along the Colorado front range called Westword - basically just controversial stories around the local community).  The headline was “It’s the Anonymity Stupid“, (actually, the article title might have been “It’s the Humility Stupid” - that was over 9 years ago and I’m old ).  It was a good piece of investigative journalism that explained as well as anything I’ve ever read:

• what anonymity actually means in AA
• why it’s important
• how humility, anonymity and related principles works in recovery from alcoholism

I searched briefly online for this article to cite it more carefully but couldn’t find it.  In keeping with the guidelines for this site, we probably shouldn’t reference it anyway (it was not published by AAWS) but, again, it was excellent.  It might have been written by a member of AA since it’s insights were those who have been down our path. But then, I’ll never know for sure.  And, I guess that’s my main point - this piece, written by a bylined reporter, did a wonderful job explaining anonymity and yet he/she didn’t speak from a position of authority or inside knowledge.  They just reported what they observed as service to their publisher and readership.  I doubt they were paid enough for that work - given the potential impact it could have had on even one life…

Much has been written about our anonymity, as our “…spiritual foundation…” outlined in our 12th Tradition.  I don’t think anything new will be discovered in this article but I think it’s an important principle that we need as a foundation for another blog article I posted Anonymity on the Web - One Member’s View.

Some have posited that “…anonymity is not here to protect me from AA, but to protect AA from me…” - probably more protection from our alcoholic led, ego-centric old ideas but one can see their point.  Many have also posited that I ‘have a right to my anonymity” and that it protects me from embarrassing revelations amongst my family, friends or co-workers.  I think, as with so many of the examinations of the principles, both perspectives are partially right and partially wrong.

Anonymity Protects AA from Me

I have heard more about this recently in the AA service circles where I hang out.  As with so much of our experience, this is not even close to new territory.  As Bill wrote in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions - “The spiritual substance of anonymity is sacrifice.  Because A.A.’s Twelve Traditions repeatedly ask us to give up personal desires for the common good, we realize that the sacrificial spirit-well symbolized by anonymity-is the foundation of them all.  It is  A.A.’s proved willingness to make these sacrifices that gives people their high confidence in our future.” (p. 184)

We have seen, through our history thus far, that where the good of the whole of AA is concerned, we will even sacrifice great honor and acknowledgment offered with the most noble of reasons.  Bill W. thus submitted to a higher good and the group conscience of our young fellowship by declining an offer of an honorary doctorate from Yale in 1954 (Language of the Heart - p. 205-209).

Early in our AA history, we became well aware that the celebrity of some of our members could be used to great impact in creating interest in and enthusiasm for our program of recovery.  As Bill mentions regarding anonymity breaks, “So I can’t really blame any AA who has grabbed the spotlight since. I set the main (bad e.g.) example myself, years ago.” (ibid. - p. 212)

It is out of responsibility, respect and humility that I guard my own anonymity out of the respect of and for AA.  I place the Unity of AA above my own interests - even when it can be rationalized to be toward the betterment of AA as a whole.

Anonymity Protects Me from ???

This is probably the most used reason for our tradition and it’s probably the least valid (IMLTHO).

It seems that when we get here, we are all concerned that the “wrong people” will learn that we are an alcoholic or that we might embarrass someone by their being “found out” to be a member of AA by a direct or inferential statement or comment.  Many of us used some variation of this argument to stay away from that first meeting as long as we could stand it and beyond.  Somehow, I was just sure as soon as I admitted I was a hopeless drunk, I would be held to public scorn and shame.  This, in my own story, after being an embarrassing public jerk while drunk - would that those blackouts have just lasted a little longer so I wouldn’t have those memories.

Certainly the most valid reason for protecting public disclosure of who is at meetings (including ourselves) is that we don’t wish to inhibit anyone from reaching out to AA because they feel their acknowledgment of being an alcoholic (or even a potential alcoholic) might be disclosed to someone they wouldn’t want to know (a boss, friend, whoever…).  We have no business doing that.

A few years ago, a good friend named “Ted” was a member at my home group.  Ted was the most physically affectionate man in our group.  He hugged everyone, whether they were comfortable with it or not, and, even though I’m much less “huggy” than him around meetings, his genuine affection toward me won me over after a few months.  He was a much loved by all - a valuable member of our group.

Ted had not shown up at our meeting for a few weeks when I ran into him and his son at a local hardware store.  I was truly happy to see him (as he was me) and we gave a quick hug (not uncommon in our town) and he and I caught up on recent happenings in our lives.  He introduced me to his son and we included him in our conversation as well - we didn’t mention the program much, if at all…

As I was leaving, I was genuinely surprised to hear his son exclaim to his dad, “…DAD, that man hugged you!!!”  I smiled to myself realizing that the “Ted” we knew in AA meetings must behave differently in other circles.

For years I’ve told this story as an example of an unintended anonymity breach on my behalf.  Today, I’m not sure that is the case.  I think what I was, if anything, was rude and inconsiderate.

In general, I place all AA gossip (even much of what passes for “news” instead of gossip) in this class of behavior - rude.  It may or may not have anything to do with our principle of anonymity but repeating anyone’s deeply held beliefs, feelings or private experiences up to public discussion and, worse, general judgment goes beyond inconsiderate - in some cases, it can be life threatening.

Recently, a sponsee of mine was working out an appropriate amends for some gossip around one of our admittedly more difficult members.  I very seldom see a simple apology as the right course in amends but it particularly struck me in this case that, by performing character assassination on this woman, he was, in fact, threatening her life.  I asked if he, truly, wished her dead.  Deceased.  Off the planet.   …and, at his hand…

While he allowed it would be more convenient and easier if she wasn’t at his meetings or social events, he was not ready to take a gun or a knife to her to make her gone.  We need to think this through in our circles when we want to do any sort of “newsy” sharing.

Finally, Dr. Bob & others figured out early in our history that it’s as much a break in our principle of anonymity to not let our names be known inside  the fellowship as it is to publish our names and pictures as AA members in the local paper.  We are not to be “invisible” to the public or, especially, to each other.  For that reason, I freely share my full name with folks who need to get in touch with me.  My wife (a member of AA) tells the story of going to the hospital many years ago only to realize that the only way she knew to ask for the member she was calling on was “Bob”.  After some wrangling with the directory, the volunteer receptionist finally found the likely patient but they were in the Intensive Care Unit.  It took no small amount of additional explaining that, even though she didn’t know Bob’s last name, they were very close so it would be appropriate for her to visit.

Anonymity is closely linked to humility which means that we are completely invisible when we’re supposed to be and completely available when we can be of use.

Anonymity on the Street

In the story above about Ted and I, the prospect of protecting someone’s identity, if not anonymity, on the street was discussed.  It’s my considered opinion that this is just good manners - we should find a way to be comfortable with each other in a public place that does not presume upon the intimacy we might share in our meetings and fellowship.

Most of us who’ve been around a few days can relate an experience where we met someone new to the program at a meeting and then ran into them on the street.  You can easily read in the terror in their eyes their thoughts about “is he going to greet me and let people know I was in an AA meeting?” or “will he let the folks I’m with know that I’ve been at an AA meeting?” or “is he going to ask me about my drinking or something else embarrassing?”.  Some of us who are more sadistic may have even had some fun with this at times…

Trading in “Names”

There may be a dangerous trend in AA where we trade in relationships inappropriately to our principle of anonymity.

When you examine your motives, why is it important to say something like “I was at a meeting with ___, and they said ____”?  Or, why is it important that you mention who your sponsor is?  Or, who someone else has for a sponsor?  If, in fact, we are all equal, could it not be an attempt at setting up a hierarchy or establishing credibility based on someone’s name?

Clearly, we also place an inordinate demand on someone when we use their celebrity (in or out of the AA meeting rooms) to gain anything of consequence - e.g. raise our standing by “hanging with” important people.

Anonymity Protects Me from Me

Most long-term members that I know agree with me that this is the most important part of “our foundation of sacrifice”.  If death of the ego-driven life is part of the spiritual path to recovery as explained by Henry Tiebout, then humility will show up as we let go of our character defects and begin to live a principled, spirit-led, life.

As we do this, there are any number of ways that the ego is regenerated.  My experience is that there are many who will applaud our efforts and encourage us with well intentioned compliments.  There is nothing wrong with that.  In fact, it may be more self centered for me to try to attempt to convince them the compliments were not deserved (e.g. attempting to make the one offering the complement understand that credit is really due to god) than to simply smile and say “thank you”.  My job is not to make others understand either the direction or urgency of my own spirit-led life.

However, it is within my own self that I need to fully understand that, when good flows through this vessel which used to be a complete slave to self, it is evidence of god’s grace and power, not my own efforts or intentions.

This, I think, is the essence of the humble sacrifice of anonymity:  That which I own is only of value because it has been given to me in order that I might share it with god and his creation.  This maybe a great truth for us, and why attaching our names to our accomplishments, our positions or the high regard of others is dangerous.  Perhaps even fatal.