Anonymity on the Web - One Member’s View

Another 36Principles.org blog article on anonymity in Alcoholics Anonymous relates some general perspectives of why we have this principle and tradition as well as what it means. This article is more about how our principle of anonymity applies to the increasing issue of how much personal information and what type of personal information is appropriate for an AA member to disclose on the web.

As with so many things “new” in our wonderful program, there is much less new to this discussion about what and when to disclose in the web media than meets the eye in light of our collective experiences through AA history.  The same suggestions offered at the level of press, radio and film are as apt, relevant and valid with regards to communications on the web as they ever were.

A suggestion I’ve made to others (and tried to uphold in my own experience as well) is that we treat everything posted on the web exactly as if it were published on the front page of a local newspaper.  I think we need to always be mindful that we’re not at all in control of:

1. Who reads the web stuff we published.  I cringe as I surf around and see people posting family pictures and intimate details because I’ve been to some of the classrooms in prisons where inmates are trained on computer use - it boggles my mind to think what they might have access to in some peoples’ personal lives.
2. How what we publish on the web will be used.  I cringe as well sometimes when I hear me “quoted” at meetings supporting shares with stuff I never said, would not say, and don’t believe at any level.  In this world of “cut and paste” citations, no amount of personal protection can be afforded to protect context or our original meaning.  Even if I were skilled enough to communicate in writing effectively and unambiguously (which is far from the case), I’m sure what I write here can and will be misappropriated at some point.
3. How someone might use the apparent debates or discussions of different points of view or possibilities among our members against some part of AA in particular or AA as a whole.

Now, a disclosure: Ed G. is not the name I use at local “skin” meetings. Everything I’ve stated on this and other related blogs is true (sobered up in ‘83, am male, live in Colorado, etc.) is the same but for a number of reasons, I’ve elected to use another name online.  It’s still my name, just not the one that most people know me as in meetings.

I’m sure my reasons are not perfect, but here they are as  best I can communicate them today (feel free to agree or disagree):

1. When I look at the “reasons” for anonymity (sacrifice, ego, etc.), it just seems like a better idea.
2. I can’t come up with a single reason that using my real name will increase my usefulness either in my local meetings or online.
3. As someone with 25+ years of experience in AA, I’m sometimes looked at as an “authority” and I don’t want to have my writings on the web held either for or against me at a meeting.  I really respect Bill W.’s experience where, in depression for nearly 16 years, many in the fellowship insisted he needed to “work this program harder” or whatever.  Again, I think my behavior in life may or may not take something away from my writing about principles and I would never want the fact that I’ve written something about, say,  our principle of “honesty” keep a new friend at a meeting from pointing out some fundamental dishonesty in my life today.
4. There are others in my life (family, AA friends, etc.) who might be affected by the existence of what I write on this site.  I admit, I’m not sure how, but it’s not my “right” to even potentially expose them to any risk.
5. I realize that, for now, there are some divisions in AA between those who are engaged on the web (e.g. post blogs, email, Twitter, FaceBook, etc.) and those who are not.  I hope to publish an article or 2 on this but this is a bothersome split to me.  It’s not a new issue (think back to early AA when some members had telephones and many others didn’t), but it is a disturbing fact of divisiveness in our midst.  Much the same as I wouldn’t give a newcomer at a meeting an email address only without checking if that’s a comfortable way for them to communicate, I wouldn’t presume to talk about web stuff (e.g. a forum or a blog) as a part of an initial exchange.

I’ve run my perspectives past my sponsor and, even though he’s not as technologically engaged as I am, he has approved my general logic for now.  We don’t ever “take stands” about stuff like this “forever more” (it’s just not consistent with the spirit led life we aspire to), but it seems like a good idea and it seems to support our shared perspectives and interests in learning about our AA principles.

A Part of My Story

This may or may not be relevant to the “why” of where I am, but I would like to explain some of how I got here.

I have always loved computers.  I made my 1st shoebox “computer” when I was in my 3rd grade science fair in 1959.  I’ve always been fascinated by mechanized logic and followed a sort of “pinball trajectory” (real drunks will understand) toward a career in technology.   After I sobered up in 1983, I found in 1984 I seemed to fit in well with Corporate America and had a brilliant (if I say so myself ;-)) career where I was in early and deeply to Unix as a systems programmer, computer and voice networking, and the web (actually, it’s predecessors - Netnews, Bulletin Boards, etc.).  My 1st exposure to the web was to  via the  Mosaic browser in 1993-4.  It rocked my world and, although I never could have imagined what we have now, I became a loud and fanatical advocate of the web and all it enabled in my company and the world at large.

At the same time I was an enthusiastic advocate of technology in the world, I was a staunch detractor in all things technological related to my AA program.  I did not participate in any of the online meetings, AA related bulletin boards or other AA communications.  I very seldom even gave out my email address (when I was constantly engaged in communicating by and supporting email) to anyone but my close family, my sponsor and a few selected friends.  I guess I saw the danger of security and anonymity issues.  I had one embarrassing moment at work with some personal email but, in general, didn’t mess anything up.  I did love my work though - I used to joke about “…if they didn’t pay me to be here, I’d probably do the same thing as a hobby…”.

Any time anyone was thinking about doing anything online with AA (e.g., an AA conference, Intergroup, service entity, etc.), my sage advice (often followed by those trying to change) was to “go slow”.  My advice could probably be credited for many service entities not participating fully online today.  Perhaps there’s an irony here.

My career flourished until it burned down with the collapse of the communications industry in 2001 and I was laid off in the fall of 2002.  After casting about looking for what would be next for a few months, I wound up as a building contractor for ~5 years.  While I still did some computer work (I really did do it as a hobby!),  I was self-employed and between work, family and, AA, little was left to do much more than dabble some on the net.

In early 2007, I figured out I could build everything but a profit and needed to move on to the next thing.  The next obvious thing was one of those spiritual learning experiences I’d thought I could have avoided since I was over 23 years sober.  The short version of the story is that I merged my business with another business, ran that business successfully (IMLTHO) and was fired from my own company mid-’07.  That took me to a low point I hope I never have to go back to but, eventually, it led me to think that maybe God wanted me to go back to work in technology.

I offered my services to Corporate America one more time and they just couldn’t ever seem to get back to me on that. ;-)  At the same time I was learning about the current generation of the web (really, the underpinnings of what makes the web work) and was absolutely LOVING it!!!   It occurred to me later (mid 2008) that I could offer my services as an independent contractor.  I found a few places that I could be useful (a web site for some friends of ours, some support for a web site for my home group, work for some family members, etc.) and learn something in the process.

In the course of this endeavor in late 2008, I investigated some of what was out there on the web for and about AA.  What I found was:

1. A lot of really persistent discussion that, kindly, could be regarded as anti-AA.
2. Blatantly wrong information about what AA is and is not offered by folks who either have no experience with AA or have an “agenda” (e.g. make money off drunks or sell their point of view).
3. Lots of folks with “ulterior motives” with AA content as well (drunk junk vendors, book authors, publishers, treatment centers, etc.).
4. Lots of sites where AA stuff is intermixed with patriotic stuff, religious stuff, etc.
5. Some really bad (technologically) sites for the AA service structure.  You probably don’t want my honest opinion of the design and architecture of www.aa.org, for example.
6. A fervent “online AA” vs. “ant-online AA” debate.

Thinking about this and noticing where the world is today with the web as well as where God seems to be leading me led do an almost complete reversal of some of my previously held opinions.

Where I Wound Up (today - subject to change…)

I really don’t have an axe to grind or anything really to prove to anyone - on the web or anywhere else. I certainly don’t see any real sense of urgency to put forward either an argument or a technology.

I seem to have a unique set of skills I can offer in a particular part of the social networking world that might want to go on in the web.  In the course of all the above, my sponsor and I have decided that we would really like to explore at some additional depth the principles of AA.  It seemed to me a great forum for like-minded AA folks to meet and collaborate on developing some thoughts about how to make progress toward those spiritual ideals that we hold dear.

I’m curious about my previous anti-AA-on-the-web stance.  Clearly, there’s still a lot of support for my former bias and I remain unconvinced that I won’t trend back that way myself.  I certainly see no reason to debate the online vs. anti-online perspectives with the expectation that there is only one answer for all people in all cases.  Maybe…

It would seem that our fundamental principles of “humility” and “anonymity” should be guarded in all areas of life.  I don’t need to convince anyone of anything.

…and I am willing to tear this site down if it serves no useful purpose.

So, for now, I remain relatively anonymous on the web for reasons established above.  I say relatively in that it really wouldn’t take a web Sherlock Holmes to find out my identity that I’m known as in skin meetings.  Where it seems useful, I might  discretely let folks know.

Someone has already asked me what I would recommend they do around participating on web discussions (should they?  should they use their personal email address?  etc.)  I certainly did not and would not offer anyone any advice - my own experience is young there and I would certainly recommend they follow the direction of their higher power instead of my direction.  I only have my experience so far…

If this chapter in my recovery develops at all like my other AA experiences, who I am either on the web or at my meetings, is way less important - especially if, by some miracle, God uses me as an instrument toward his greater purposes.

…and that, I think, is the point.